I think of my inner Tara as pink.

It's Burrito'clock

Sat, 17 May 2008 00:26:06 GMT

1. I'm getting tattooed on Sunday by Jason June, the same guy who did Bevin's cherry blossoms!

My sister and I worked on the design for over a month, and even though it's slightly different than my original vision, I'm still incredibly excited with the plan! The style is a happy amalgamation of art noveau and letterpress art, and it incorporates birds and bleeding heart flowers. It's black and pink. The Lawyer is coming with to hold my hand and help me make small talk; she's better at that than I.

2. I've been going a bit spend crazy on getting summer stuff for my upcoming work trip to San Juan! I also rented a car so I can drive around on my own for the 4 extra days I'll be staying. I also found out that two people I am friendly with (one of them being saltjam's girlfriend!) are going to the convening, and one of them is also staying a few days extra, so I might have a travel partner for my trip after all. The convening is taking place here, but I'll be staying with Zori (the same woman who hosted Zoe & me last time) in Hato Rey for the vaycay portion of the trip post-convening.

Right now, I'm having internal self esteem-building sessions to feel good about wearing my skimpy gold bikini in front of my co-workers.

3. Ever since getting the Gorillapod tripod for my birthday, I've been taking outfit pictures on most mornings. Not only does it satisfy my need for fashion documentation, but I feel like it also encourages me not to be lazy about outfits.

Those of you who are on fatshionista will see these again soon.

I really really need to get the shorts hemmed. I'm also sad that my camera didn't capture the cute tuxedo ruffle on the shirt.

I bought this from and_old_lace, and it's really one of my favorite dresses ever!

This one was from today!

Ok, y'all, it's about time I stop neglecting that burrito in my fridge.

8 Things NEVER to Say to a Mixed-Race Colleague

Sun, 11 May 2008 15:59:14 GMT

Another awesome link via Racialicious!

Some of the things written in this article really articulated thoughts I've had but have never been able to crystalize into words. So, for the link averse, here are some highlights/ticklers from the article, which I think should apply to everyone, not just work colleagues!

Gong who is Chinese, Nooksack (a Native American tribe) and white, explains that "the multiracial group is not a group bound together by race. Our only common element is the way society responds to us--the common ways we're marginalized.

...

Gong explains further that "when people try to impose their sense of who you are based on cultural heritage or physical appearance, it forces [the mixed-race person] into an advocacy situation. As a result, often, mixed-race folks are either ambivalent or they become racial watchdogs because they're privy to how race plays behind the scenes."

...

Louie Gong adds that the comment "You guys make beautiful babies" is equally patronizing. "The physicality of the multiracial person is seen as a priority. The question reflects a sense that that's the most important reason to have kids. Who cares about love? Or who cares if you're a good person or an asset to the community?"

...

"Have you been to the Philippines or Pakistan? Do you speak the language? Do you like the food?" are all questions Nayani has been asked. "However many check marks add up in their mind, and then that's how they label you."

...

"If I didn't have the name [Wei Ming], I wouldn't be accepted by Chinese people because I look Filipina," says Dariotis, whose ancestry is regularly challenged by Chinese immigrants. "So we take on names in order to have our identities foregrounded. I have the right not to justify my ethnic identity. I don't have to prove that I am authentically who I am."

The name part really struck me, because I've done the same thing. I use my first and middle name (Tara Shuai) as email addresses and to write because my surname is my dad's, which is pretty white. I've also thought a lot about changing my name permanently to make my middle name my last. And I do this, of course, to help people with racial clues in case they are unsure or in case they automatically identify me as white. And also to help me feel more "authentic," which is a whole big bag of stuff that I should probably sit down and do some thinking about.

Anyway, great article!

I've dreamt of this day!

Fri, 09 May 2008 17:20:37 GMT

Many of you might scroll right on past this, but others of you may be as delighted as I am that I have just successfully ordered a cutsom GOLD BIKINI from this site that I found via another fatshionista's recommendation!

I've wanted a gold bikini for a long freaking time, but kind of gave up hope until now. I was especially moved to action because I'm going to Puerto Rico on a work trip next month, and I want something that will look really awesome while I'm laying on the beach.

So this is the color gold that the bikini will be in:

I'm getting those exact shorts, and since the girls need a whole lot more support than a mere string can provide, I'm getting this halter top in gold:

The cost came out to $65 after shipping, which is actually not so bad when it comes to bathing suits. Although it still baffles me that such a small amount of fabric can cost more than a party dress.

You know what other Crazy Bikini Logic bugs the shit out of me? That they don't just make bras in bikini fabric so that I can have the same awesome support of my favorite bra on the beach that I do everywhere else. Halter tops are ok, but they really make my neck hurt after a few hours. If I were more of an entrepreneur, my first product would be a balconette bra bikini top. And then maybe a plunge bra top. And I would get very rich very fast because unlike other bikinis, mine would be fashionable AND offer support!

Anyway.

The best part of this is that the woman who makes them promised that it will be here in time for my trip. WAHOO!

Top 6 Signs You've Kicked Off BBQ Tour Right

Thu, 08 May 2008 03:51:59 GMT

6. You stuffed yourself at dinner, and still have enough leftovers for 2 meals.

5. In less than one hour, you and your dining companions tear through a basket of butter and wetnaps.

4. There is barbecued bacon on the menu as an appetizer. As in, bacon as a food unto itself, and not as a complement, topping, or vehicle for some other, lesser food.

3. Zoe remarks afterwards that it feels like she's just eaten a box of salt. And she's probably right.

2. You use your camera to conduct a short video interview of Bevin eating a sandwich dubbed THE ELVISH CRUSHER, which is made with peanut butter, bananas, and bacon.

1. You come home with a raging meat headache that Advil can't even begin to help.

What I lack in content, I'm making up for in photos

Tue, 06 May 2008 17:49:07 GMT

I've been getting back into the photo taking lately, and I've found that I really enjoy taking pictures of three things:

1. Me
2. My friends
3. Flowers

So, I got a haircut. Here's the before:

7 inches shorter, some hair dye, some bleach, and a trip to the salon later:

I went to TransProm with Bevin and Zoe on Friday, and to the Cherry Blossom festival at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens on Sunday. I got some great photos from both!

What it means to be Asian American

Tue, 06 May 2008 14:58:11 GMT

I found this short film that the Asia Society produced for APIA heritage month over at Racialicious.

Maybe I'm just feeling particularly sentimental today, but this seriously made me tear up, especially the part by George Takei (who was also quoted at Racialicious):

"I grew up behind the barbed wire fences of US Internment camps. What I remember is my father. He said, 'Both the strength and the weakness of American democracy is in the fact that it is a true people’s democracy. It can be as great as a people can be but it can also be as fallible as people are.'"

Also featuring Sandra Oh, Kal Penn, and Sen. Daniel Inouye.

Bevin calls this icon the "Grumblebee"

Mon, 05 May 2008 21:18:13 GMT

I may be allergic, but I sure do like taking pictures of bees!

Concert review and videos: Goldfrapp!

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 20:05:01 GMT

I went to Goldfrapp last night and OH.MY.GOD. It was so utterly fantastic!

Alison Goldfrapp has this amazing voice that can range from ethereal to operatic to sultry rock, and I feel like every single minute of that show was worth it. Of course, I wish it had been longer (is it just me, or do concerts/shows keep getting shorter and shorter?), and I also wish that she had played my favorite song, Lovely Head (which some of you might know from that awful British teen leslie bean movie, My Summer of Love), but overall, it gets an A++.

I was in the nosebleedingest of nosebleed sections (second to last row on the top balcony, woo!), but at least I was in the center, which meant that I had a semi-decent view. One note to concert goers who want to wear hats: DON'T DO IT. I had not one, but TWO hipsters in front of me wearing pork pie hats, both of whom obstructed my otherwise clear view of the stage. Blame it on having to ride the L train through that magical hipster paradise known as Williamsburg every single morning and night, but nothing makes me crankier than a hipster who gets in my damn way.

Anyway, I recorded three songs with my amazing camera, which records both video and sound, but I nearly cried when I saw that either I or my camera had accidentally deleted my #2 favorite Goldfrapp song, Utopia, from its memory. So instead, I give you two songs from the new album, Little Birds and Happiness. They remind me of bootleg movie recordings, because you can see people walk in front of the camera every few seconds. Also, the videos are somewhat shaky because it takes a lot more muscle strength than I thought it would to hold a camera still for 4-6 minutes at a time.

The sound quality is actually really great, though. Does anyone know how to take the sound from an AVI and make it into an mpeg that I can listen to on my ipod?

Little Birds

Happiness

[Error: close lj-embed tag without open tag]

ETA: For some reason, Google video cut off the Happiness video about halfway through. Given that it took me literally three hours to upload each of these (!!!), I have no idea what the freaking problem is. I'm going to try to do it through Youtube, but that's been taking hours as well.

Hair photos?

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:32:42 GMT

Hey y'all!

I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday, and I think I know what I want, but I also want to browse a bunch of different hair cuts before I settle on something.

Do any of y'all know of a website where a girl with long wavy-curly-frizzy hair can browse different kinds of haircuts? I don't necessarily need one of those programs where you paste a hair style onto your picture, but I'm not opposed to that either.

I have a hot date tonight who might get lucky if she plays her cards right.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:58:03 GMT

Tonight, I'm going to see Goldfrapp in concert, and I couldn't be more excited! The Lawyer asked me who I was going with, and I told her that I was my own date.

She thought it was a bit odd that I'm going to a concert alone, but I actually enjoy doing things like this by myself. I mean, it's great to go to a show with a friend who loves the band/artist as much as you, but I can also enjoy a show just as much when it's just me and the music.

That said, I also realize that I have different comfort levels when it comes to doing things solo.

View Poll: ______ing with yourself

The only thing that I wouldn't do alone is go to a bar or club. Given that I'm actually not an extroverted person in situations where I don't know many or any people, the idea of going to a bar or club solo kind of horrifies me. Also, the idea of going on a trip to a destination where I don't know anyone frightens me. But, I also want to challenge myself to do something like that, if only to practice socializing with strangers and forcing myself to be more outgoing.

Media!

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:23:09 GMT

Y'all, I just keep building my Z-list resume!

As Bevin would say, ITEM THE FIRST

When I was in SF last week, Margarita/originalenid and I went to a Wham! tribute show where an enthusiastic young lad asked us what Wham! meant to us and compiled the interviews and bits from the show into a cute little video.

Fast forward to about 3:55 if you only want to see us, but you should also know that drinkasyoupour makes a special guest appearance about a minute before Margi and I do. Also in the video was the famous BACON SKIRT that burlesque performer Indigo Blue stripped down to in her Jews who <3 pork act!

ITEM THE SECOND

Deb/bounce_n_jiggle decided to use one of my photos from her Re/Dress photoshoot as an advertisement for the Manhattan Vintage Show! Wahoo! So, here I am.

ITEM THE THIRD

I don't think I've mentioned it here before, but I am the fatshion and beauty correspondent on FemmeCast, the podcast that Bevin/queen_bbb is producing! From the website:

The Queer Fat Femme Podcast Guide to Life is a newsmagazine of interest to the Queer, Fat, and Femme communities, their partners, allies and fans. Hosted by Bevin Branlandingham with a cadre of regular contributors, FemmeCast is community building and exploration of dating, social justice, friendships, sex, culture, cooking, music and fashion as relevant to the Queer Fat Femme experience. While the intersectionality of these identities is a primary focus of the cast, it is relevant and entertaining to queer people of all genders and fatshionistas of all sexualities. A whimsical This American Life meets a radical queer how-to novel, FemmeCast will keep listeners laughing, connected and inspired.

Look out very very soon for the first episode!

Also in good news, but not related to media, The Lawyer returns from her month long trip to Germany tomorrow night, and I CAN'T WAIT! (Also, I am a big cheeseball and can't help humming to myself, Reunited, and it feels so good.) Our 1 year anniversary is coming up in August (can you believe it?) and we're thinking about doing a romantic long weekend in Niagra Falls. Man, I love her.

Back from vaycay!

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:32:00 GMT

What a lovely, lovely vacation!

It was really exactly what I needed: relaxation, fun times with friends, great food, continued birthday celebrations, and a dose of the west coast, which I hadn't visited for nearly 3 years!

I won't detail each day, but some of the highlights from my trip were:

A beautiful spa day at Kabuki with dykestar. Seriously, I had anxiety about being nekkid in front of a bunch of thin women, but I actually (mostly) got over it. Also, the salt scrub that they gave us was just divine. I really want to find something like this in NYC.
Getting to meet the NEW BABY! My BFF Ridley and his awesome partner kommishoner have a 6-week old bundle of cute and awesome named Jett. I got to spend lots of time with them, cuddle the new baby, and enjoy their company.
A fabulous, fabulous superdelicious brunch at Absinthe. Words cannot even describe the orgasmic properties of the food there. And it was plentiful, too. So plentiful, in fact, that Nick ordered a plate of bacon, and between 5 of us, we couldn't even finish it! Present at the brunch was my friend Nick, originalenid, drinkasyoupour, and my lovely friend Celeste!
Attending the Wham! tribute show at the LGBT center with originalenid! We were lucky and got 2 of the last 3 tickets left to the show that sold out 2 nights in a row. There was tap dancing, drag, burlesque, jump roping, and all sorts of other entertaining hijinks in loving tribute to George Michael and Wham!
Being hosted by two lovely people: my friend Nick, who also hosted me when I went to Italy, and originalenid, who not only hosted me, but took care of me when I got sick and also played lots of autoharp for me.
A delicious dinner, in terms of both food and company, with originalenid and futuristisch, who I had met in person years ago at a hair salon in Richmond, but who I'd never gotten the chance to sit down and chat with. The three of us chatted for so long that we shut down the restaurant. I <3 my friends! I also realized after our dinner that I have really really good luck meeting friends online that also translate well to in-person friendships.
Presents! I got lots of free meals, a whole boatload of Lush products, the cutest cupcake apron in the WORLD, and of course, a beautiful vacation in beautiful (and surprisingly cold) San Francisco.

Like I said, 27 is turning out to be quite the party! And, because the party doesn't have to stop yet, I also bring you many pictures!

Hello 27, it's my birthday! While I was waiting for dykestar to pick me up, I also took some pictures of the flowers. We don't have this kind of foliage in New York.

As I mentioned, K and I went to the spa!

I got the awesome dress from a fatshionista sale. I am seriously passionate about converting the muumuu/housedress into a fatshion staple. I had to alter this one to be more fitting, but it was really lovely, and is light enough for summer! After the spa, we roamed around the mall in Japantown and I drooled over the food displays.

I also love the breathtaking views when driving down SF streets.

That night, Nick, Celeste, and I had a great dinner at this amazing Thai place. God, it was delicious!

After that, Margi joined us and we went to Hot Cookie in the Castro. Which was also incredibly YUM.

The next day before brunch, I found some more amazing foliage.

Then, brunch!

Later that night, we went to the Wham! show.

The next day, I got to hang out with the baby again. Really, he is one little ball full of ADORABLE! Ridley said that he thinks I'd make a good mom.

In the above photo, I think my nails make it look like I'm about to crush his skull.

He is even cute when crying! Also, Ridley makes a wonderful dad.

Unfortunately, I was sick for the last day of my trip, including my plane ride home, but I finally felt better late last night. Having an intense stomach ache and nausea for 36 hours straight is really no fun, let me tell you. Also not fun is not being able to eat when you know you're hungry!

Nevertheless, my trip was an A++, and just what the doctor ordered! Thanks again to everyone who helped make my birthday so special. I love you all so much.

Princessing the birthday girl

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 17:13:45 GMT

The sun is shining, I'm on vacation, I'm wearing a new dress, I have the best friends and girlfriend a girl could possibly dream of, I'm about to get taken out to breakfast, and then a spa, and then Lush, and then dinner, and then some other sort of fun activity, and today, I'm a year older.

27, I like you already!

Kicking 27 off the right way

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:05:44 GMT

The weekend was a resounding success!

But really, any weekend filled with my stellar friends, 2 brunches, dancing my ass off, and shopping is a weekend worth writing home about.

Best of all, there is ample photographic evidence. I was excited because just the day before, my new shade of purple from Make Up For Ever had arrived. So I paired it with one of their super hot hot pink pigments. And, voila!

For brunch, I wore new new Isaac Mizrahi dress, which I now regret not ironing beforehand.

We went to Planet Thailand for brunch, and got the entire restaurant to ourselves. There were literally no other customers who ate there while the 12 of us were there. So it was like a private party, which made me feel like a special birthday princess!

After brunch, a bunch of us went shopping in Herald Square. We took over Lush, where one of the employees gave me free samples because it was my birthday. I also think Tania and Emily are going to become Lush converts very very soon. After Lush, it was onto H&M where I got an amazing pair of sunglasses and a cute headband.

Later that night, we all decided to go to a house party for 4 other Aries who were having birthdays, so it only seemed natural that a bunch of us femmes + Gina would roll in together.

I wore my new favorite dress, which was an early birthday gift from The Lawyer. The tights were hand-dyed by onceupon!

The party itself was a ton of fun - lots of rowdy guests, frosted desserts, tons of sweaty ass-shaking, a rooftop to look out over, and best of all, great company.

And! I also took a bonus video of Bevin and Liz on the dancefloor. It's a must see!

Thursday, I leave for SF, where I will commence birthday celebrations for a second time. These celebrations will also involve brunch, amazing friends, and hopefully some sweaty ass shaking as well.

Yes, I am that lucky.

The Z-life and the beginning of Birthday Week

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 22:19:18 GMT

As the Universe continues to contract and fold over onto itself as the cult of reality television continues to create micro-celebrities and people who are famous for being famous, I had a super surreal moment last night.

I was chatting over email with someone on lj, and decided to check out her profile where I noticed that my sister's tv show was listed as an interest. Delighted and amused, I clicked on it to see who else had it listed, and found out that there is an entire livejournal community dedicated to the show! And then, when I clicked on the user info for that community, I saw that they listed MY SISTER as an interest along with the other folks on the show.

I immediately called my sister to tell her about it, but she was not amused or really even interested. I think it is a requirement of hipsterdom to be perpetually unimpressed with everything, your (relative) fame included.

On a completely different note, I have a fantastic weekend planned!

Since I will be in San Francisco for my actual birthday weekend next week, I planned some activities this weekend for the New Yorkers. One of my nearest and dearest, lizs18, is on a bus right this very minute and will be arriving here in less than an hour! Tomorrow morning, I have a big brunch planned, where I plan to begin ringing in 27 with eggs and breakfast meats. Could there be any better way to say hello to a new year? I think not.

After that, we have a trip to Herald Square planned, since Herald Square is awesome for shopping/terrible for the wallet. I want to stop into Lush, H&M, the $5 shoe store, and of course, EARRINGS HEAVEN where one can find sparkly baubles for a steal. Then, tomorrow night, another Aries is having a birthday party, and me and my girls will be rolling at least 5 deep, if not more. There, we will shower Brooklyn with alpha femme energy and some truly stellar outfits.

Spring Cleaning Sale! Cute dresses, light jackets, tights, accessories, & awesome tops! Sizes L-3X!

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:20:30 GMT

This is getting posted to fatshionista tomorrow!

Bonus: If you pay before 8:30am tomorrow, your item gets shipped tomorrow! Otherwise, items will ship Monday. I only accept Paypal. Priority Mail shipping in the U.S. ranges from $4-$8 depending on the weight of the item. I can calculate non-U.S. shipping online as well. Multiple items can be combined for $2 extra per item. Comment with your email, and I will invoice you!

Onto the sales! Click on any item to enlarge the photo. (Sorry about the inconsistent quality of the photos -- any spots are from my camera.)

DRESSES

Torrid teal strapless dress w/black polka net overlay (worn once) / 18 / $15

Brown and pink drop-waist dress with pleated skirt (has tiny tiny run in skirt) / 3X (B/W: 36" unstretched / up to 46" stretched; H: 54") / $15

Brown strapless dress w/teal polka dots / 3X (B: 44" / W: 39" / H: 52") / $15

Bue Plate "Dare To Be Bold" Dress (http://www.alight.com/10112484.html) / 1X (Sizing chart here: http://www.alight.com/sizing-guidelines.html) / $12

JACKETS + HOODIES

Torrid gray & white pinstripe denim jacket/blazer (never worn) / 2 / $12

Lane Bryant *genuine leather* lightweight jacket (ideal for spring/fall) / 18/20 / $25

Old Navy purple sweater zip hoodie / XL / $7

TOPS

Dear by Amanda Bynes black & white houndstooth tank / L (B: 38" / H: 48") / $5

Black & white polka dot & stripes shirt / Juniors 2x (B&H: 39") / $5

Black & white button knit tank / B: 35" unstretched / up to 52" stretched; H: 38" unstretched / up to 60" stretched / $6

Old Navy brown v-neck and v-back shirt / XL / $6

Teal striped H&M top w/keyhole / L / $5

Juniona black button down shirt, never worn / 1X / $6

Mossimo black sweater top with ruffle cap sleeve / XL / $5

H&M black tunic top, worn once / 10 (fits like an XL) / $6

Teal, brown & gold heart shirt / 1X / $6

Lane Bryant black & white polka dot tank w/ruffle bottom / 14/16 / $6

Old Navy brown 3/4 length tee, NWT / XL / $6

OTHER/ACCESSORIES

Custom-dyed sage green microfiber tights, never worn / 2X / $6

Merona pink knit tights in package / 1X/2X (up to 245 lbs) / $3

Silver & amber ring (not real silver or amber) / 10 / $3

Go, Team Brown Eyes!

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:19:29 GMT

Hey, look! I got cross-posted again at Racialicious! (The post first appeared here.)

After I wrote that post last year, I think I really started to appreciate my eye color a lot more than I ever did before. As many of you know, I am a lover of eyeshadow, and it's really only been in the last year or so that I've been able to fully appreciate the way that shadow colors like plum, hot pink, indigo, teal, and gold emphasize how pretty my brown eyes are.

I also started noticing more how several different television shows (Heroes and Gossip Girl, for example) use light-skinned/mixed race WOC with light eyes (usually green, blue, or honey), as a way to make the characters more palatable/salable. After all, a woman can't rightfully be a sex object if she doesn't have a relation to whiteness!

Speaking of TV, I just started watching Gossip Girl, and I can feel a big fat rant brewing about that show, the CW, and race.

Racism and Our Reactions, Redux

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:15:34 GMT

My post on racism and our reactions made it up onto Racialicious!

The comments are interesting, for sure. I don't know *why* I was surprised to see some folks play the "lighten up!" card, but I guess dismissing oppression as trivial is common, even on race blogs.

Anyway, after this and the hullabaloo surrounding the fat post, does this mean that I've officially made it onto the Z-list?

Why Intersectionality Matters

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:14:19 GMT

(This is another repost from fatshionista.com, but for those of you who don't monitor the fatosphere, I went on another tear.)

Through all of this discussion and debate about fat and race and why thinking about both of them together matters, I thought I'd add my $.02 to the long and rich discussion about intersectionality and why it matters to me and to you.

I literally could not tell my own story as a person without intersectionality. Having found myself on the cusp and entrenched in a number of different identity categories, (for disclosure, those would be: biracial (half-Taiwanese/Chinese, half-white/Jewish), queer, raised by mixed-class parents (but mostly middle class), high femme, cisgendered, able-bodied, and fat) I have never truly found a "home" in any single-politic movement.

If I tried to talk about my queerness in a vacuum, my words would be stilted and my story incomplete, because my gender identity as a high femme, my class background, my race, and my fat have all modified my experience of what it means to be queer. If I try to talk about my experience of race in a vacuum, I would again come up short, because that experience is informed by my gender identity, my class, and my queerness. I literally could not talk about any one of those identities without relating them to my experiences of those other identities. They are too intertwined, too connected, and too important to leave off the table.

A number of folks responded to my post about POC in the FA movement with a question about why it was necessary to bring race or any other non-fat-related identity or experience into the picture. For that, I have several responses:

1. Because it's not just me whose experience of fat is shaped by my other identities. You may not know it, but every single one of your identities (whether that be white, poor, disabled, upper-class, Latin@, etc.) affect the way the world experiences you, and thus affects the way you experience the world. If any one of those identities were change overnight, I would bet my savings that your experience of fat would be different.

2. Because even if you can't possibly imagine how something like race could change a person's experience of fat, it behooves you to listen other people in the movement who can bring a different perspective on how fatphobia affects them. After all, how could it be a *bad* thing to widen your own personal analysis of fatphobia?

3. Because if we really want to advance fat acceptance, we should know that historically, single-issue causes have not ever managed to capture the full breadth of how and why and where oppression works, and therefore could never be successful in the long term. If we are truly interested in working towards a just and equitable society, eliminating just one oppression at a time isn't going to work.

4. Because we want our movement to be as strong as it can be, and we should realize that in order to attract more people to supporting our cause, we're going to have to make the case for why fat acceptance should matter to them.

After my post was referenced over at Racialicious, there were a few comments from folks who really didn't get it. And in reading them, I had an a-ha! moment. Though I was initially discouraged, I re-realized that one of the reasons that the fat acceptance movement matters to me is because many of the people in the social justice movements near and dear to my hearts still don't get it. I mean, if I felt that they did, I'd have no need to be a part of an FA community. But there's a lot of learning that needs to happen on both sides, and it is essential that the fat acceptance movement incorporate intersectionality into its analysis, because otherwise, people will continue to not get it and not see why fat oppression is relevant to them and their lives.

More Positivity, Less Fallout

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:06:05 GMT

So, predictably ignorant and ill-informed comments aside, I feel really good about the reaction that my post about people of color in the FA movement has stirred.

I wrote this in the comments, but I really feel like I should be wearing a damn tiara after reading racialicious' synopsis of the events.

Too, the two ensuing posts on Shapely Prose (#1 & #2) felt like a resoundingly positive step. You should also check out the supportive posts over at The Rotund and Sassy Says.

(My favorite excerpt that I maybe want engraved on a plaque or silkscreened on a t-shirt: Drop the mic, Tara. Do the victory walk off the stage to rousing applause. You earned it.

I must say, reading the whole piece brought a smile to my face.

Tara’s post should be required reading for any movement trying to understand intersectionality issues or trying to recruit more people of color to their front lines. There are things we need you to understand.)

Now, whether or not the critiques that I and the other POC who spoke up in the comments to my original post will be considered a "hot item" for now and then left by the wayside are to be seen, but I actually do feel heartened that some of the folks who read my post really heard what I had to say. Most of all, I was really happy and relieved to hear from the other folks (POC and non) who were feeling and thinking the same things that I did. My biggest worry in writing that rant was that I was only speaking for myself.

And, my many critiques of the FA movement aside, I really do have a lot of hope for it. I don't want to see it repeat the same mistake that many other single-issue movements have made, and it really isn't too late to start righting some of those wrongs.

I've been sick with a cold all weekend, but reading all of this really does make me feel a little bit better.

A Different Kind of Fat Rant: People of Color and the Fat Acceptance Community

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:44:26 GMT

Even if you're lj striking, I encourage you to hop on over to fatshionista.com to participate in a discussion I want to have about POC and the fat acceptance movement.

There are reasons why people of color aren't flocking to the fat acceptance movement, and they're probably not the reasons you're thinking of.

I swear, if I read or hear one more comment about POC not participating in the fat acceptance movement due to "access," I am going to scream. If we're talking about internet communities, one only need to do a quick Google search to find that there are vibrant pockets of the blogosphere where people of color are contributing their thoughts and stories and building online communities that work for them in droves. If we're talking about in-person fat activism, people of color from all sorts of backgrounds have always found time and space to contribute to the anti-oppression movements that matter most to them. People of color know resistance.

So I don't wanna hear it. We're here all right; we're just not with you.

I see the fat acceptance movement making many of the same mistakes that second wave feminism did, and it's both sad and maddening. "We built this movement; why don't they come?" That is the prevailing attitude I read over and over again. But rarely, if ever, do I see white fat acceptance bloggers talking critically about why the movement may not be relevant or structured in a way that attracts fat people of color and their allies.

Let's break it down for a minute.

Fat acceptance bloggers are guilty of the same sins of white feminism in that there is often a wholesale grouping of all fat people under the same oppression umbrella, with little or cursory examination of how things like race, class, sexuality, gender and gender presentation, ability, and age play into the fat equation. At minimum, folks in the fat acceptance movement need to take serious stock of their own position in the world, and how their privilege may be blockading their understanding of how other peoples' experiences, identities, and embodiments change the way they experience their fat and how their fat is experienced by the world at large.

I also need to say that if I hear the "fat is the last acceptable oppression" meme one more time, I am going to scream (louder). Fat hatred is often blatant, shameless, vitriolic, and completely public. But guess what? So is racism! (And classism, heterosexism, ableism, and sexism.) Racism is institutionalized into our laws, our classrooms, our work places, our relationships, and our daily interactions. Just because some white folks think it's unacceptable to say the n-word, doesn't mean that racism is gone or that it's not "acceptable." When people in the fat acceptance movement say that fat is the last acceptable oppression, it alienates people of color who know first-hand that racism not only exists, but that it is also very much "acceptable" in polite society.

Another offensive myth that I hear parroted around fairly often is that people of color are more accepting of fat bodies, and that men of color love a "thick" woman. Let's just say that that is NOT my experience. In many different Asian communities, that is the opposite of the truth. By Taiwanese (where my mom is from) beauty standards, my 5'4, size 20, size 10 shoe body is enormous in almost every sense of the word. The last time my mom went to Taiwan and tried to buy me a pair of shoes, the vendor asked her if they were for a man. The last time I saw my uncle 8 years ago (when I was a size 16), his friends laughed at me and he said that he wanted to put me on a diet program. Of course, Asians and Asian culture is not a monolith, and this standard is not true for everyone, everywhere. In fact, among other communities of color, it is not necessarily true that bigger women are more accepted. Our communities are also capable of internalizing fat-hating messages, so to say that people of color are more accepting of fatness is not only false, but it also marginalizes us further and contributes to perpetuating the invisibility of our struggles with our bodies.

A couple of years ago on fatshionista, I made an attempt to talk about the concept of appropriation as it related to fat fashion. As people who are forced to be creative with our clothing choices, I noticed that some women were talking about wearing a salwar kameez as summerwear and asking about where they could find plus sized qipao/cheongsam. But when I suggested that we look at how these things might be appropriation and how we could be creative in our fashion choices without resorting to cultural theft, the overwhelming response of the 400+ comments that followed was furious. While some white and POC members found merit in my suggestion, many of the responses were along the lines of "It's just clothes! No big deal! Stop being so PC!" So, I am saying now that if you want us in your community, it IS a big fucking deal, and it needs to be addressed.

Let's also talk for a minute about beauty standards. There is a significant portion of the fat acceptance movement that is fighting for the right to be seen as "pretty, too." They want to fight for the standard definition of beauty to include them too, as if they have been denied some god-given right to be seen as beautiful. But when this demand is articulated, there is no consideration or thought about the fact that women of color have always been excluded from this category, and are masculinized, exoticized, or otherwise been seen as exceptions to the pretty rule (i.e. "She's pretty for a [insert non-white race here] girl!"). So, arguing for the "right" of plus sized white women to be let into the pretty club does not address us or our struggles with the problematics of beauty standards.

One final subject I want to speak on is how disappointing it is that I've rarely seen people in the fat acceptance movement address access as it relates to food. It's simple: the poorer your neighborhood, the less access you have to nutritionally-rich, affordable food. Often, in neighborhoods populated by low-income and/or people of color, there are few, if any, grocery stores and a high concentration of fast food restaurants. And even when there are grocery stores, they often carry second- and third-hand produce, meats, and dairy products that are cast-offs from the grocery stores in wealthier neighborhoods. A diet high in foods with low or no nutritional value affects the health and well-bring of the people consuming them, and if this kind of diet results in a fatter body, we need to figure out a way to talk about it in a manner that is both fat positive, and also working to fight for better, fresher, cheaper foods for everyone. I also want to be clear here that I am not trying to perpetuate some bullshit healthism that says you're bad or a bad fat person if you eat junk food (I have a deep and abiding love for junk food, as a matter of fact!), but when that is your only option, the concept of choice is irrelevant. I mean, intuitive eating is only an option when you can access and afford the foods your body is craving.

And that's really the tip of the freaking iceberg, but I hope the message is clear. For the most part, your fat acceptance movement does not speak to us, and we're not coming until y'all work out some shit.

In the Moment: Racism and Our Reactions

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:53:58 GMT

I think the Universe has been testing me lately.

Over the last several months, I've been confronted with some pretty blatantly racist statements about Asian folks, and each moment has been pretty intense in a lot of ways.

While I was in Puerto Rico, my friends and I were at a restaurant, and started passing around our old college IDs to giggle at. Mine is a picture of me as a babydyke with short and spiky hair. The waiter (a young white guy) came over and and asked if we were passing around our fake IDs (which was funny, because all of us ranged in age from 25 to 37). I said that we were passing around our college IDs, and I suppose in an attempt to be friendly, he asked to see them. I passed mine over and he said something that I didn't quite catch because it was noisy.

A little bit later during the dinner, I said to Anna, "I can't believe our waiter thought we were under 21!" Anna said, "Um, I can't believe the Asian comment that he made!" I asked her what he said, and she told me that when I had handed him my ID, he said, "Did you steal your ID from some Asian kid?"

Horrifyingly, the waiter heard us and came back over to the table. "Yeah, I asked her if she stole her ID from some Asian kid." Anna asked, "Does that mean that you don't think she looks Asian?" He answered no. "Well, I am," I snapped at him. He then continued to stick his foot further in his mouth and explain that the ID did, in fact, look like something I stole.

More recently, I was at a party where some people were taking pictures. Someone mentioned that their friend looked like they were squinting in the picture. And then, the Asian jokes started. One guy clasped his hands together, bowed, and imitated an Asian accent. Later, they started talking about ping pong, and someone said something about Koreans being really good at ping pong. Then, another person wondered if it was the Chinese or the Koreans that were good at ping pong. Someone else said, horrified, that they didn't believe athletic ability was tied to race. Someone else replied that no really, Asians really were good at ping pong! All of them were white.

In those situations, I didn't say anything. You see, I have this deer-in-the-headlights reaction when I hear something racist that people, especially strangers, say. I'm one of those people who prefers to analyze something to death before responding. I like to choose my words carefully, which makes it extremely difficult to think fast enough about what response I want to have in those moments. And I inevitably leave those interactions feeling guilty, like I'm not fierce enough or smart enough to have said something.

I've found that I've had the most success around talking to folks about racism when I have a personal relationship with them, and can therefore approach the situation at a later date when I've had a chance to think about the comment or action. Plus, I feel that I am personally more skilled at approaching conversations from a "this hurt me, and this is why" standpoint versus a "fuck you, and this is why" standpoint.

But the other thing I've been thinking about lately is how other people react to the stories after the fact. Whenever I retell the stories, they are almost immediately followed by the question, "So what did you do/say?" And when the answer is "nothing," I feel obligated to justify my silence to them, and leave the interaction feeling even more guilty about my non-reaction.

So, the questions I've been asking myself lately are:

1. Why is it that so many people react to racist stories with a question about how you did or didn't react to that situation in the moment and what that question is really about;
2. What kinds of expectations white folks have around POC's reactions to racism and why;
3. How it further marginalizes POC when we internalize those expectations; and
4. What, if any, responsibility do I have to myself and my community to speak up in those moments, especially given that I often pass as white and therefore am witness to some of the racist things that white folks say when they think they are only amongst white folks.

These questions are all weighing pretty heavily on me right now.

Hey SF folks!

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 16:12:31 GMT

Guess what?

I turn 27 in a month and 5 days, and I'm celebrating entrance into my late 20s with a visit to San Francisco!

My primary purpose (besides birthday fun) is to visit Ridley, kommishoner, and their new baby (!!!), but I would also love to see some of you while I'm there!

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the sheer volume of people I know in the bay area, so I might do something like a group brunch or a group dinner, or a group brunch AND a group dinner since I like to eat. Evenings will also be a good time to hang out since I think Ridley, Denise, and Jett will probably be in bed at night.

Anyway, I'll be in your town April 17-21. Drop me a note if you wanna hang out!

Good and Sad

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:11:43 GMT

The bad news is that I really didn't like Jason's drawing. It felt crowded and not at all what I had in mind, aesthetically and design-wise.

I gave him a bunch of edits to make, but I feel kind of skeptical that he's going to nail it.

So last night (and I don't know why I didn't think of this before) I called Famous Sister and asked if, as a birthday present to me, she'd help me design my next tattoo! She was really excited and enthusiastic about it, said that she'd been missing drawing lately, and that yes, she would love to help me design it. Not only do I love her art, but as an artistic director, she also translates peoples' artistic visions for her JOB! Granted, her translation takes place on cake, but I imagine that she could do it for a tattoo quite well too. How could I have not thought of this in the first place?

In other news, I've been having really anxiety-producing stress dreams about ex-friends almost every night. More so than my romantic exes, my failed friendships continue to haunt me year after year. It's strange because the sadness and anger around romantic relationships fade, but my friendship breakup-related sadness and anger never seems to go away. Do any of you have the same experience?

Ink

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:08:40 GMT

One of the things I'll be doing with my fairly hefty tax refund this year is getting some new ink. It's been about 5 years since my last tattoo, so this is long overdue. And I couldn't be more excited.

I came up with the design concept myself. It'll be a 3x5 rectangle on the back of my arm above my right elbow featuring a nighttime garden scene with bleeding heart flowers and two birds under the moonlight. I told the tattoo artist again and again that my style is very NOT old school tattoo-style (like this or this, which is lovely, but not for me or my body), but more like this and this. So, lots of bright, flat colors, elegant clean lines, and minimal shading work. Think art nouveau meets letterpress art. The main colors of the piece will be a dark indigo (for the background), hot pink (for the flowers), some green (for the leaves), and whites and grays (for the moon). I still haven't decided on a color for the birds, though they'll need to be pretty light to stand out against the dark background.

I did a lot of research on local tattoo artists, and finally decided to go with Jason June, the guy who did Bevin's beautiful cherry blossoms. I went in for my consultation last week, and I'm scheduled to go see the drawing tonight. I couldn't be more excited!

After this tattoo, I'll be slowly saving enough to finally get my big back piece. I've been wanting that piece for years, and feel like having my namesake on my back will really make me feel grounded in a lot of ways. But as you can see from the detail, it's going to cost me a shitload. So, the waiting continues.

For now, I'm really giddy to see what Jason has drawn up. I'll keep y'all posted!