Many of you might scroll right on past this, but others of you may be as delighted as I am that I have just successfully ordered a cutsom GOLD BIKINI from this site that I found via another fatshionista's recommendation!

I've wanted a gold bikini for a long freaking time, but kind of gave up hope until now. I was especially moved to action because I'm going to Puerto Rico on a work trip next month, and I want something that will look really awesome while I'm laying on the beach.

( Wanna see what I'm getting? Non work safe pictures under the cut if your work doesn't appreciate a fat girl in a bikini like I do. )

The cost came out to $65 after shipping, which is actually not so bad when it comes to bathing suits. Although it still baffles me that such a small amount of fabric can cost more than a party dress.

You know what other Crazy Bikini Logic bugs the shit out of me? That they don't just make bras in bikini fabric so that I can have the same awesome support of my favorite bra on the beach that I do everywhere else. Halter tops are ok, but they really make my neck hurt after a few hours. If I were more of an entrepreneur, my first product would be a balconette bra bikini top. And then maybe a plunge bra top. And I would get very rich very fast because unlike other bikinis, mine would be fashionable AND offer support!

Anyway.

The best part of this is that the woman who makes them promised that it will be here in time for my trip. WAHOO!

6. You stuffed yourself at dinner, and still have enough leftovers for 2 meals.

5. In less than one hour, you and your dining companions tear through a basket of butter and wetnaps.

4. There is barbecued bacon on the menu as an appetizer. As in, bacon as a food unto itself, and not as a complement, topping, or vehicle for some other, lesser food.

3. Zoe remarks afterwards that it feels like she's just eaten a box of salt. And she's probably right.

2. You use your camera to conduct a short video interview of Bevin eating a sandwich dubbed THE ELVISH CRUSHER, which is made with peanut butter, bananas, and bacon.

1. You come home with a raging meat headache that Advil can't even begin to help.

I've been getting back into the photo taking lately, and I've found that I really enjoy taking pictures of three things:

1. Me
2. My friends
3. Flowers



( Beneath the cut, I give you more! )

I found this short film that the Asia Society produced for APIA heritage month over at Racialicious.



Maybe I'm just feeling particularly sentimental today, but this seriously made me tear up, especially the part by George Takei (who was also quoted at Racialicious):

"I grew up behind the barbed wire fences of US Internment camps. What I remember is my father. He said, 'Both the strength and the weakness of American democracy is in the fact that it is a true people’s democracy. It can be as great as a people can be but it can also be as fallible as people are.'"

Also featuring Sandra Oh, Kal Penn, and Sen. Daniel Inouye.

I may be allergic, but I sure do like taking pictures of bees!

I went to Goldfrapp last night and OH.MY.GOD. It was so utterly fantastic!

Alison Goldfrapp has this amazing voice that can range from ethereal to operatic to sultry rock, and I feel like every single minute of that show was worth it. Of course, I wish it had been longer (is it just me, or do concerts/shows keep getting shorter and shorter?), and I also wish that she had played my favorite song, Lovely Head (which some of you might know from that awful British teen leslie bean movie, My Summer of Love), but overall, it gets an A++.

I was in the nosebleedingest of nosebleed sections (second to last row on the top balcony, woo!), but at least I was in the center, which meant that I had a semi-decent view. One note to concert goers who want to wear hats: DON'T DO IT. I had not one, but TWO hipsters in front of me wearing pork pie hats, both of whom obstructed my otherwise clear view of the stage. Blame it on having to ride the L train through that magical hipster paradise known as Williamsburg every single morning and night, but nothing makes me crankier than a hipster who gets in my damn way.

Anyway, I recorded three songs with my amazing camera, which records both video and sound, but I nearly cried when I saw that either I or my camera had accidentally deleted my #2 favorite Goldfrapp song, Utopia, from its memory. So instead, I give you two songs from the new album, Little Birds and Happiness. They remind me of bootleg movie recordings, because you can see people walk in front of the camera every few seconds. Also, the videos are somewhat shaky because it takes a lot more muscle strength than I thought it would to hold a camera still for 4-6 minutes at a time.

The sound quality is actually really great, though. Does anyone know how to take the sound from an AVI and make it into an mpeg that I can listen to on my ipod?

Little Birds


Happiness

[Error: close lj-embed tag without open tag]

ETA: For some reason, Google video cut off the Happiness video about halfway through. Given that it took me literally three hours to upload each of these (!!!), I have no idea what the freaking problem is. I'm going to try to do it through Youtube, but that's been taking hours as well.

Hey y'all!

I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday, and I think I know what I want, but I also want to browse a bunch of different hair cuts before I settle on something.

Do any of y'all know of a website where a girl with long wavy-curly-frizzy hair can browse different kinds of haircuts? I don't necessarily need one of those programs where you paste a hair style onto your picture, but I'm not opposed to that either.

Tonight, I'm going to see Goldfrapp in concert, and I couldn't be more excited! The Lawyer asked me who I was going with, and I told her that I was my own date.

She thought it was a bit odd that I'm going to a concert alone, but I actually enjoy doing things like this by myself. I mean, it's great to go to a show with a friend who loves the band/artist as much as you, but I can also enjoy a show just as much when it's just me and the music.

That said, I also realize that I have different comfort levels when it comes to doing things solo.

Poll #1179903 ______ing with yourself
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Would you feel comfortable going to a concert/show by yourself?

Would you feel comfortable eating at a sit-down restaurant by yourself?

Would you feel comfortable going to the movies by yourself?

Would you feel comfortable going to a bar or club by yourself?

Would you feel comfortable going on a trip by yourself?

Generally, what are your feelings on going solo to places/activities where it's normally couples or more in attendance?

The only thing that I wouldn't do alone is go to a bar or club. Given that I'm actually not an extroverted person in situations where I don't know many or any people, the idea of going to a bar or club solo kind of horrifies me. Also, the idea of going on a trip to a destination where I don't know anyone frightens me. But, I also want to challenge myself to do something like that, if only to practice socializing with strangers and forcing myself to be more outgoing.

Y'all, I just keep building my Z-list resume!

As Bevin would say, ITEM THE FIRST

When I was in SF last week, Margarita/originalenid and I went to a Wham! tribute show where an enthusiastic young lad asked us what Wham! meant to us and compiled the interviews and bits from the show into a cute little video.


Fast forward to about 3:55 if you only want to see us, but you should also know that drinkasyoupour makes a special guest appearance about a minute before Margi and I do. Also in the video was the famous BACON SKIRT that burlesque performer Indigo Blue stripped down to in her Jews who <3 pork act!

ITEM THE SECOND

Deb/bounce_n_jiggle decided to use one of my photos from her Re/Dress photoshoot as an advertisement for the Manhattan Vintage Show! Wahoo! So, here I am.



ITEM THE THIRD

I don't think I've mentioned it here before, but I am the fatshion and beauty correspondent on FemmeCast, the podcast that Bevin/queen_bbb is producing! From the website:

The Queer Fat Femme Podcast Guide to Life is a newsmagazine of interest to the Queer, Fat, and Femme communities, their partners, allies and fans. Hosted by Bevin Branlandingham with a cadre of regular contributors, FemmeCast is community building and exploration of dating, social justice, friendships, sex, culture, cooking, music and fashion as relevant to the Queer Fat Femme experience. While the intersectionality of these identities is a primary focus of the cast, it is relevant and entertaining to queer people of all genders and fatshionistas of all sexualities. A whimsical This American Life meets a radical queer how-to novel, FemmeCast will keep listeners laughing, connected and inspired.

Look out very very soon for the first episode!

Also in good news, but not related to media, The Lawyer returns from her month long trip to Germany tomorrow night, and I CAN'T WAIT! (Also, I am a big cheeseball and can't help humming to myself, Reunited, and it feels so good.) Our 1 year anniversary is coming up in August (can you believe it?) and we're thinking about doing a romantic long weekend in Niagra Falls. Man, I love her.

What a lovely, lovely vacation!

It was really exactly what I needed: relaxation, fun times with friends, great food, continued birthday celebrations, and a dose of the west coast, which I hadn't visited for nearly 3 years!

I won't detail each day, but some of the highlights from my trip were:

• A beautiful spa day at Kabuki with dykestar. Seriously, I had anxiety about being nekkid in front of a bunch of thin women, but I actually (mostly) got over it. Also, the salt scrub that they gave us was just divine. I really want to find something like this in NYC.
• Getting to meet the NEW BABY! My BFF Ridley and his awesome partner kommishoner have a 6-week old bundle of cute and awesome named Jett. I got to spend lots of time with them, cuddle the new baby, and enjoy their company.
• A fabulous, fabulous superdelicious brunch at Absinthe. Words cannot even describe the orgasmic properties of the food there. And it was plentiful, too. So plentiful, in fact, that Nick ordered a plate of bacon, and between 5 of us, we couldn't even finish it! Present at the brunch was my friend Nick, originalenid, drinkasyoupour, and my lovely friend Celeste!
• Attending the Wham! tribute show at the LGBT center with originalenid! We were lucky and got 2 of the last 3 tickets left to the show that sold out 2 nights in a row. There was tap dancing, drag, burlesque, jump roping, and all sorts of other entertaining hijinks in loving tribute to George Michael and Wham!
• Being hosted by two lovely people: my friend Nick, who also hosted me when I went to Italy, and originalenid, who not only hosted me, but took care of me when I got sick and also played lots of autoharp for me.
• A delicious dinner, in terms of both food and company, with originalenid and futuristisch, who I had met in person years ago at a hair salon in Richmond, but who I'd never gotten the chance to sit down and chat with. The three of us chatted for so long that we shut down the restaurant. I <3 my friends! I also realized after our dinner that I have really really good luck meeting friends online that also translate well to in-person friendships.
• Presents! I got lots of free meals, a whole boatload of Lush products, the cutest cupcake apron in the WORLD, and of course, a beautiful vacation in beautiful (and surprisingly cold) San Francisco.
  

Like I said, 27 is turning out to be quite the party! And, because the party doesn't have to stop yet, I also bring you many pictures! ( Click on through for the picture-y goodness. )

Unfortunately, I was sick for the last day of my trip, including my plane ride home, but I finally felt better late last night. Having an intense stomach ache and nausea for 36 hours straight is really no fun, let me tell you. Also not fun is not being able to eat when you know you're hungry!

Nevertheless, my trip was an A++, and just what the doctor ordered! Thanks again to everyone who helped make my birthday so special. I love you all so much.

The sun is shining, I'm on vacation, I'm wearing a new dress, I have the best friends and girlfriend a girl could possibly dream of, I'm about to get taken out to breakfast, and then a spa, and then Lush, and then dinner, and then some other sort of fun activity, and today, I'm a year older.



27, I like you already!

The weekend was a resounding success!

But really, any weekend filled with my stellar friends, 2 brunches, dancing my ass off, and shopping is a weekend worth writing home about.

Best of all, there is ample photographic evidence. ( Click on through if you please! )

Thursday, I leave for SF, where I will commence birthday celebrations for a second time. These celebrations will also involve brunch, amazing friends, and hopefully some sweaty ass shaking as well.

Yes, I am that lucky.

As the Universe continues to contract and fold over onto itself as the cult of reality television continues to create micro-celebrities and people who are famous for being famous, I had a super surreal moment last night.

I was chatting over email with someone on lj, and decided to check out her profile where I noticed that my sister's tv show was listed as an interest. Delighted and amused, I clicked on it to see who else had it listed, and found out that there is an entire livejournal community dedicated to the show! And then, when I clicked on the user info for that community, I saw that they listed MY SISTER as an interest along with the other folks on the show.

I immediately called my sister to tell her about it, but she was not amused or really even interested. I think it is a requirement of hipsterdom to be perpetually unimpressed with everything, your (relative) fame included.

On a completely different note, I have a fantastic weekend planned!

Since I will be in San Francisco for my actual birthday weekend next week, I planned some activities this weekend for the New Yorkers. One of my nearest and dearest, lizs18, is on a bus right this very minute and will be arriving here in less than an hour! Tomorrow morning, I have a big brunch planned, where I plan to begin ringing in 27 with eggs and breakfast meats. Could there be any better way to say hello to a new year? I think not.

After that, we have a trip to Herald Square planned, since Herald Square is awesome for shopping/terrible for the wallet. I want to stop into Lush, H&M, the $5 shoe store, and of course, EARRINGS HEAVEN where one can find sparkly baubles for a steal. Then, tomorrow night, another Aries is having a birthday party, and me and my girls will be rolling at least 5 deep, if not more. There, we will shower Brooklyn with alpha femme energy and some truly stellar outfits.

This is getting posted to fatshionista tomorrow!

Bonus: If you pay before 8:30am tomorrow, your item gets shipped tomorrow! Otherwise, items will ship Monday. ( Click on through for some fabulous deals and super-cute clothes! )

Hey, look! I got cross-posted again at Racialicious! (The post first appeared here.)

After I wrote that post last year, I think I really started to appreciate my eye color a lot more than I ever did before. As many of you know, I am a lover of eyeshadow, and it's really only been in the last year or so that I've been able to fully appreciate the way that shadow colors like plum, hot pink, indigo, teal, and gold emphasize how pretty my brown eyes are.

I also started noticing more how several different television shows (Heroes and Gossip Girl, for example) use light-skinned/mixed race WOC with light eyes (usually green, blue, or honey), as a way to make the characters more palatable/salable. After all, a woman can't rightfully be a sex object if she doesn't have a relation to whiteness!

Speaking of TV, I just started watching Gossip Girl, and I can feel a big fat rant brewing about that show, the CW, and race.

My post on racism and our reactions made it up onto Racialicious!

The comments are interesting, for sure. I don't know *why* I was surprised to see some folks play the "lighten up!" card, but I guess dismissing oppression as trivial is common, even on race blogs.

Anyway, after this and the hullabaloo surrounding the fat post, does this mean that I've officially made it onto the Z-list?

(This is another repost from fatshionista.com, but for those of you who don't monitor the fatosphere, I went on another tear.)

Through all of this discussion and debate about fat and race and why thinking about both of them together matters, I thought I'd add my $.02 to the long and rich discussion about intersectionality and why it matters to me and to you.

I literally could not tell my own story as a person without intersectionality. Having found myself on the cusp and entrenched in a number of different identity categories, (for disclosure, those would be: biracial (half-Taiwanese/Chinese, half-white/Jewish), queer, raised by mixed-class parents (but mostly middle class), high femme, cisgendered, able-bodied, and fat) I have never truly found a "home" in any single-politic movement. ( Read more... )

So, predictably ignorant and ill-informed comments aside, I feel really good about the reaction that my post about people of color in the FA movement has stirred.

I wrote this in the comments, but I really feel like I should be wearing a damn tiara after reading racialicious' synopsis of the events.

Too, the two ensuing posts on Shapely Prose (#1 & #2) felt like a resoundingly positive step. You should also check out the supportive posts over at The Rotund and Sassy Says.

(My favorite excerpt that I maybe want engraved on a plaque or silkscreened on a t-shirt: Drop the mic, Tara. Do the victory walk off the stage to rousing applause. You earned it.

I must say, reading the whole piece brought a smile to my face.

Tara’s post should be required reading for any movement trying to understand intersectionality issues or trying to recruit more people of color to their front lines. There are things we need you to understand.)

Now, whether or not the critiques that I and the other POC who spoke up in the comments to my original post will be considered a "hot item" for now and then left by the wayside are to be seen, but I actually do feel heartened that some of the folks who read my post really heard what I had to say. Most of all, I was really happy and relieved to hear from the other folks (POC and non) who were feeling and thinking the same things that I did. My biggest worry in writing that rant was that I was only speaking for myself.

And, my many critiques of the FA movement aside, I really do have a lot of hope for it. I don't want to see it repeat the same mistake that many other single-issue movements have made, and it really isn't too late to start righting some of those wrongs.

I've been sick with a cold all weekend, but reading all of this really does make me feel a little bit better.

Even if you're lj striking, I encourage you to hop on over to fatshionista.com to participate in a discussion I want to have about POC and the fat acceptance movement.

There are reasons why people of color aren't flocking to the fat acceptance movement, and they're probably not the reasons you're thinking of. ( Read more... )

I think the Universe has been testing me lately.

Over the last several months, I've been confronted with some pretty blatantly racist statements about Asian folks, and each moment has been pretty intense in a lot of ways.

While I was in Puerto Rico, my friends and I were at a restaurant, and started passing around our old college IDs to giggle at. Mine is a picture of me as a babydyke with short and spiky hair. The waiter (a young white guy) came over and and asked if we were passing around our fake IDs (which was funny, because all of us ranged in age from 25 to 37). I said that we were passing around our college IDs, and I suppose in an attempt to be friendly, he asked to see them. I passed mine over and he said something that I didn't quite catch because it was noisy.

A little bit later during the dinner, I said to Anna, "I can't believe our waiter thought we were under 21!" Anna said, "Um, I can't believe the Asian comment that he made!" I asked her what he said, and she told me that when I had handed him my ID, he said, "Did you steal your ID from some Asian kid?"

Horrifyingly, the waiter heard us and came back over to the table. "Yeah, I asked her if she stole her ID from some Asian kid." Anna asked, "Does that mean that you don't think she looks Asian?" He answered no. "Well, I am," I snapped at him. He then continued to stick his foot further in his mouth and explain that the ID did, in fact, look like something I stole.

More recently, I was at a party where some people were taking pictures. Someone mentioned that their friend looked like they were squinting in the picture. And then, the Asian jokes started. One guy clasped his hands together, bowed, and imitated an Asian accent. Later, they started talking about ping pong, and someone said something about Koreans being really good at ping pong. Then, another person wondered if it was the Chinese or the Koreans that were good at ping pong. Someone else said, horrified, that they didn't believe athletic ability was tied to race. Someone else replied that no really, Asians really were good at ping pong! All of them were white.

In those situations, I didn't say anything. You see, I have this deer-in-the-headlights reaction when I hear something racist that people, especially strangers, say. I'm one of those people who prefers to analyze something to death before responding. I like to choose my words carefully, which makes it extremely difficult to think fast enough about what response I want to have in those moments. And I inevitably leave those interactions feeling guilty, like I'm not fierce enough or smart enough to have said something.

I've found that I've had the most success around talking to folks about racism when I have a personal relationship with them, and can therefore approach the situation at a later date when I've had a chance to think about the comment or action. Plus, I feel that I am personally more skilled at approaching conversations from a "this hurt me, and this is why" standpoint versus a "fuck you, and this is why" standpoint.

But the other thing I've been thinking about lately is how other people react to the stories after the fact. Whenever I retell the stories, they are almost immediately followed by the question, "So what did you do/say?" And when the answer is "nothing," I feel obligated to justify my silence to them, and leave the interaction feeling even more guilty about my non-reaction.

So, the questions I've been asking myself lately are:

1. Why is it that so many people react to racist stories with a question about how you did or didn't react to that situation in the moment and what that question is really about;
2. What kinds of expectations white folks have around POC's reactions to racism and why;
3. How it further marginalizes POC when we internalize those expectations; and
4. What, if any, responsibility do I have to myself and my community to speak up in those moments, especially given that I often pass as white and therefore am witness to some of the racist things that white folks say when they think they are only amongst white folks.

These questions are all weighing pretty heavily on me right now.

Guess what?

I turn 27 in a month and 5 days, and I'm celebrating entrance into my late 20s with a visit to San Francisco!

My primary purpose (besides birthday fun) is to visit Ridley, kommishoner, and their new baby (!!!), but I would also love to see some of you while I'm there!

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the sheer volume of people I know in the bay area, so I might do something like a group brunch or a group dinner, or a group brunch AND a group dinner since I like to eat. Evenings will also be a good time to hang out since I think Ridley, Denise, and Jett will probably be in bed at night.

Anyway, I'll be in your town April 17-21. Drop me a note if you wanna hang out!

The bad news is that I really didn't like Jason's drawing. It felt crowded and not at all what I had in mind, aesthetically and design-wise.

I gave him a bunch of edits to make, but I feel kind of skeptical that he's going to nail it.

So last night (and I don't know why I didn't think of this before) I called Famous Sister and asked if, as a birthday present to me, she'd help me design my next tattoo! She was really excited and enthusiastic about it, said that she'd been missing drawing lately, and that yes, she would love to help me design it. Not only do I love her art, but as an artistic director, she also translates peoples' artistic visions for her JOB! Granted, her translation takes place on cake, but I imagine that she could do it for a tattoo quite well too. How could I have not thought of this in the first place?

In other news, I've been having really anxiety-producing stress dreams about ex-friends almost every night. More so than my romantic exes, my failed friendships continue to haunt me year after year. It's strange because the sadness and anger around romantic relationships fade, but my friendship breakup-related sadness and anger never seems to go away. Do any of you have the same experience?

One of the things I'll be doing with my fairly hefty tax refund this year is getting some new ink. It's been about 5 years since my last tattoo, so this is long overdue. And I couldn't be more excited.

I came up with the design concept myself. It'll be a 3x5 rectangle on the back of my arm above my right elbow featuring a nighttime garden scene with bleeding heart flowers and two birds under the moonlight. I told the tattoo artist again and again that my style is very NOT old school tattoo-style (like this or this, which is lovely, but not for me or my body), but more like this and this. So, lots of bright, flat colors, elegant clean lines, and minimal shading work. Think art nouveau meets letterpress art. The main colors of the piece will be a dark indigo (for the background), hot pink (for the flowers), some green (for the leaves), and whites and grays (for the moon). I still haven't decided on a color for the birds, though they'll need to be pretty light to stand out against the dark background.

I did a lot of research on local tattoo artists, and finally decided to go with Jason June, the guy who did Bevin's beautiful cherry blossoms. I went in for my consultation last week, and I'm scheduled to go see the drawing tonight. I couldn't be more excited!

After this tattoo, I'll be slowly saving enough to finally get my big back piece. I've been wanting that piece for years, and feel like having my namesake on my back will really make me feel grounded in a lot of ways. But as you can see from the detail, it's going to cost me a shitload. So, the waiting continues.

For now, I'm really giddy to see what Jason has drawn up. I'll keep y'all posted!